THIRTYSOMETHING

I want to experience the joy of loneliness. But I don’t want to feel weird because that feels good. And I don’t want to suffer in advance from the thought that if I do not do anything now to prevent this condition from becoming permanent, I will be completely alone in my old age. And meanwhile, I obviously want my own family, too, I want a real partner. But this strange situation freezes me, I’m feeling stuck...

After all, how do you find love in isolation? How did “the constant fear, the invisible enemy” rewrite dating during COVID? Wasn’t it already hard enough for people in their thirties? What are the chances for girls who did not meet the love of their life at university to find the One these days? Have all the single men wanting to start a family already taken? I feel like I keep running out of time, but is my time really running out? How realistic are these fears?”

I am looking for answers more specifically based on the experiences of myself and my friends, all in the same boat. This is a more and more serious social problem within those university graduate women who just started spreading their wings, working hard, getting out of multiple global crises. I am interested in understanding the thoughts, feelings, desires and fears of this cohort that I would illustrate with a phototherapy method I have experimented with.

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My focus is on women in their thirties specifically, who might look like to live the time of their lives in the eyes of others, but actually are terribly lonely. It is important to emphasize that I am not dealing now with those who voluntarily chose the single lifestyle. I am only interested in the group of women, to which I also belong to, who feel a little lost and do not know how they got here. Those, who struggle not only with external expectations but also with their own internal pressures, but try to get out. They work hard to somehow find a loving partner eventually, so they can move on to the next phase of their lives. Those who have to deal with the “benevolent” neighbors, parents, married, same aged friends. And in the crossfire of comments and questions, they try to explain themselves shyly or while smiling, or sometimes reacting more vigorously.

I am extremely concerned about the spiritual processes, feelings, desires and fears that are expressed in these women. I am attempting to solve this very diverse problem which points to one direction, while creating a sisterhood, including myself, based on the same experiences. In recent years, I have been observing the love affairs of women in their thirties. I was curious about the solution strategies they use to live their lives and adjust in the tangled world of love.

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